Degree or Not Degree...That Is the Question

In class this week we discussed the importance of a woman's role within a home, in her education, and the differences that are evident in our generation from previous years in where a woman's priorities should be lined. The question was posed in class, "Do your parents, specifically your mother, have a degree or any form of further education? How has this impacted your life and your viewpoints?’ My mother never went on to any secondary education and began working full-time after she graduated high school and did so until she was married at 27 and has been a stay-at-home mom ever since. My father is a tradesman and so he went to some school to continue on and become a journeyman but never got a degree. Now I'm not saying that my parents are not educated, because they are. My dad is very intelligent and is able to learn fast and efficiently and this has helped him in his career in which he has grown and become very successful. My mother is very educated as a result of being on her own and providing for herself for 9 years after graduating and she has taught her children the importance as well. Both of my parents grew up very poor and so secondary education never seemed real or a possibility to have and so they followed in their parents footsteps and just began to work. Even though my parents never received a degree or pursued secondary education, it has always been a huge importance to both of my parents because they did not have that for themselves they wanted that for their children. My older sister went to two years of community college but never graduated to receive a degree, and so far I am the only other child out of my 6 siblings who is attending University in pursuit of a degree. My older brother has followed in my fathers footsteps and has been very successful in the trades as well as my other brother. Their example was my father and so that has been an influence in their lives in seeing how successful my dad has been and they want that for themselves and are working towards that. I look at my mother and I see the missed opportunities of not having a degree however, she has taught us the importance of seeking knowledge in all things and to go and seek after truth and keep and gain knowledge. My mother has educated me into being a capable and self-reliant person who is independent and able to support myself and that is because of her experiences and the education she has received and experienced. Education does not necessarily mean getting a degree but seeking truth and my parents have done this. They engage in conversations with me about current events and teaching me values and standards that help me to make sense of things that are happening around me. 

Communication

The topic this week is communication! I'm sure everyone of us has had a time in our life where we have tried to communicate with someone and the message was just not received the way we intended and how we wanted.

THOUGHT/FEELING--ENCODE--MEDIA--DECODE--THOUGHT/FEELING
                                                                                                                

As above, we have this thought or feeling that we have that we wish to convey to another person and we try to voice this thought in a way that we think the other person will be able to decode. This is the struggle with communication, is that the other individual may decode the message differently than you intended and this can create conflict. In class we used an example of a married couple taking a road trip and they were having good conversations and everything was running smoothly when the wife asked the husband if he was thirsty. Girls, we understand what that ultimately means right? Guys if you're unsure, here's what it means! When a girl asks if you want a drink, or if you have to use the washroom she's not asking to know, she's asking because she wants either something to drink or has to use the washroom! Crazy right! Well her husband did not decode this message correctly and so replied back saying, "No I'm good!" Because her husband did not decode the message that she was putting out there, she was upset by it. We can not always know how a person will decode what we are trying to tell them and we must be patient with those around we have relationships with and try to work through and understand the different methods of communication each individual has.

My parents are not the greatest communicators and I have witnessed this throughout my childhood and witnessing how my parents engaged with one another when conflict would arise. Certain things I witnessed were that when a huge conflict or trial would arise, they would converse with each other frequently and constantly want to be on the same page with everything and would communicate this with each other. However, it was the little things that would happen on a regular basis that they did not communicate well with each other. They would often use the silent treatment with each other and just ignore the issue and not talk about it and in the end nothing would be resolved and there are hurt feelings for the remainder of the day. My parents have a great relationship with each other, but this is something I have learned from them to not ignore the little things because your marriage will be that much stronger and have that great communication between each other.

Family Crisis

The definition of crisis is: a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger; a time when a difficult or important decision must be made. I really like the second definition of when a difficulty arises, and important decision must be made and I think that really describes family crisis, and it can determine how a family can recover from a crisis and will either work through the difficulty and prosper or not. In class we discussed the ABCX model with family crisis created by Reuben Hill.
    Actual event
+  Both resources & responses
    Cognitions (how we define the event; understanding)
TOTAL EXPERIENCE
Multiple families can experience the same or similar crisis, however the experience from it can be completely different for each family, and it is because of the different resources we use, how we respond to the event and how we define the difficulty for ourselves. We may see crises as being the end and having that attitude that there is no hope and wondering why this trial or difficulty had to happen to your family. I know from my own experiences that everything happens for a reason and there is always a purpose for everything. Through trials and crises of my own, it does not just affect myself individually but it also affected my family and as a family unit we had to work through it together. My family has grown closer because we have used the resources available to us and based on our resources we could better understand the situation and it allowed us to work through and cope.

Has anyone heard of a coping saw? I hadn't either but a coping saw is used for crown moulding instalment. When two walls come together they are at a 45 degree angle and do not fully connect or merge with each other and can end up cracking. A coping saw allows for fit crown moulding, and when under pressure will actually bring it closer together and bind it. This is relevant to coping after a trial occurs within a family. When we cope properly, the end result is to bring the family unit and individuals closer together and form a greater bond with one another.

Every family will experience a crisis at one time or another and may even experience more than one trial and it may seem like the end of the world and feel like your support system is being shaken, however if we can use the resources and tools around us to help make sense of our situation we can have a better outcome and have an amazing experience as a result. A family unit needs to be strong and stable, and that can only be accomplished if every individual does their part and contributes to supporting others.

Intimacy in a Relationship

This week's discussion was very insightful if not awkward at times. This week we discussed sexuality, and the importance of intimacy in a marriage. We discussed how social media can become an evil within a marriage, and if not approached with caution and transparency with each other, can result in marital problems as severe as infidelity. Open communication and honesty are extremely important to a relationship, and especially marriage. Communication especially with your spouse, and seeking them to confide in and tell them their thoughts and feelings. Often times we tend to turn to someone outside of our marriage, such as a family member or friend, and we tell them things that are happening within the marriage. Doing this can cause difficulties. I have a very close relationship with my mother and I can not imagine not telling her things are stressing me out in my life and not seeking her advice on the situation. It was surprising for me to find out to keep your family or friends out of those situations, even little things that occur. By keeping those issues, disagreements or whatever it may be, to keep it between you and your spouse and not to get others involved. What happens when this happens is that your family or friends only remember the difficulties that you are experiencing within your marriage and they don't get to hear how the couple worked through it. When they remember these things it warps their perception of that person and can create tension within a marriage. A marriage should be a safe place for both husband and wife to safe and that their personal problems stay between them and are not divulged to others, especially family members. That trust in a relationship is crucial and allows for more open communication and trusting to know that they can talk freely with one another and it not leaving their relationship. Communication, trust and honesty are essential to a relationship and crucial to a marriage, without these things a couple can not thrive and create a healthy relationship.