Transitions

In class this week we discussed the transitions that a couple experiences when they get married and also if/when they have a baby. These events are stressful on a relationship and it is important to understand the importance of knowing that changes are going to happen and learning how to better handle the changes. The change of dating and being in a relationship to marriage is drastic and takes compromises and negotiations from both sides. In class someone mentioned the term merging and that really stood out to me. When I think of merging, I think of two companies merging together. It doesn't happen right away and it both businesses have to negotiate and make compromises because they know the end result is what they want, and for their benefit. It is the same with a couple. Marriage takes compromises on both ends, and it doesn't happen right away, but with patience, understanding and love two people can merge together happily and healthily. In class we discussed that a significant word when getting married, is sharing. Before marriage you only had to be responsible for yourself and look out for your individual needs, however with marriage you are responsible for your significant other. You share responsibilities, finances, burdens, space, time, etc. and adjusting to these changes and sharing responsibilities can be difficult, however are essential to learn to have a happy and successful start to marriage. According to research, the most important time to form habits within a marriage are within the first year. That fact is a little intimidating, and puts a lot of pressure, I believe, on couples. One thing that has really stood out to me however in discussing and learning about this topic, is that communication is absolutely essential and is one thing that will help to strengthen a relationship, and make the transition easier. In regards to the transition of bringing a baby home, is an even bigger adjustment. In class we used a scenario of a husband and wife who have been married for 3 years, and have a 7 month old baby. In this scenario we analyzed the different perspectives of the husband and wife. The wife felt that her husband did not participate and help out with the baby as much as she would like and that he tended to complain a lot, and felt that he was just being selfish. The husband felt that his wife focused all of her attention on the baby and rarely had time for him, and didn't feel like she appreciated the hard work that he did in providing for them. Seems pretty realistic right?! I thought so too! How would you handle this situation if one of these people were your friends and they came to you with concern that maybe they made a mistake in marrying the other person. One thing that automatically came to mind was communication with each other about what they were feeling and doing it in a non accusatory way. The next was ways in which they both could help each other to start to solve some of their negative feelings. One thing was making time for each other. The baby is a huge aspect of their lives and they are needed to dedicate their time to their child, however they also need to commit time to one another to allow for the two o them to reconnect. Another thing was having the wife getting her husband more involved in helping out with taking care of the baby and making him feel important and allow for him to bond with the child so that he can feel a connection, and not feel resentment to the child of taking up all of his wife's time. The wife can praise him when he does help out, and encourage him to continue and to not be criticizing him for how he may do things with the baby. Through these discussions, it has opened up my mind to how I need to be aware for my future marriage and family, and also how to handle situations and challenges that arise with marriage and starting a family.